Being a founder of an adult product retail store, I come across a lot of questions in the sex toy industry. One that I continue to hear whispers about is that women are interested in Dildos but not exactly sure how to use it. First, I want to say is IT IS OKAY, it is normal to have questions about using a dildo especially if your new to sex toys. There is no need to whisper to a friend behind a locked door about the possibility of getting one.
This is the 21st century and sex, sex toys, and dildos are flying around all over the place! Don’t believe me? Just go on any social media platform and search Lelo, Diskret, or Crave. Hundreds of thousands of people are following these sex toy companies and not ashamed of the joys and pleasure they bring to them on a daily basis.
A dildo is usually a starter or entry level toy that still brings the most “bang for your buck” in todays sex toy industry. Why is this? It usually consists of a long straight or slightly curved shaft and some form of a knob(s) on the end to resemble the head of a penis. The design is simple and usually it is made of silicone or glass, which are cheaper materials to manufacture with.
The Dildo History:
But before we dive into a step-by-step on how to use one… Lets look at the history and see if your generation is the first to try dildos. The first known dildo found was in Germany near Ulm and it dates back over 30,000 years! No, I didn’t make a mistake and add an extra zero or two. Our ancestor’s ancestors knew what dildos were and were using them all the time! Archeologists have found “devices” shaped exactly like a penis, that dates back even to earlier times but the exact function of these “dildos” are labeled as unknown.
Also, our ancestors were not ashamed of sharing the fact they used them. They embraced them so much:
as putting them on huge pieces of art that are still around today. For instance the Shakespeare’s “A Winter’s Tale” and many Greece vases have dildos painted on them, clear as day!
But what were they made of back then? They didn’t have hand blown glass, or high temp silicone compound molds?! Guess what, if you can think of it, chances are someone has shoved it in their body. Yes, even everything or anything available to them at that time, like wood, stone, bone, bread, vegetables, and rocks. You name it, they used it!
The Types of Dildos:
So the fact they have been around since the “stone age” means they must have evolved some right? Yes and no, Diskret offers hand polished crystals or stones that many women rave about today. So that hasn’t changed, however the technology and manufacturing has changed of course. So lets start with the basics.
The realistic dildo :
is your standard silicone dildo, shaped like a penis. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Up until about 15 years ago, these were your only dildo options. It was a big game changer when it came in black or white. Meaning you want your black guy or white guy, just the penis, without the guy along for the ride. You want large, small, or medium you have many choices for length and girth. If you have not used one before, I suggest starting small, they are extremely affordable and if its not doing the deed, it easy enough to order up a new larger one.
The glass dildo:
is another highly rated adult product. These are known for the fact they are very hygienic. Glass is much less porous than silicone. Which means it doesn’t hold bacteria as much and can be cleaned with ease. You can even throw most into the dishwasher for a super scrub. I usually clean mine by hand under running water and anti-bacterial soap. Glass dildos are becoming more popular due to the amazing designs and shapes they come in. Some are so beautiful you want to display them on shelve like a piece of art for all to see! The colors really pop when the light catches them, not to mention they feel amazing. A lot of bend and twist allows you to hit the right spot. So, once you find that magical glass dildo shape, you should never leave it. They not only feel amazing but are great for temperature play. Just run your glass dildo under warm or cold water before using it for a totally new sensation.
The luxury dildo:
These are a personal favorite and important to the industry. The sex toy industry has had a bad reputation for cheap, unsafe, and ridiculous looking objects that only the brave souls would try. Well times have changed and so have the brands, the dildo has now become an object in over 60% of all women’s night stands throughout the U.S. (if you are over the age of 18). So if you don’t own one, that’s okay but understand you’re now the anomaly in America. A few brands have carved themselves out as someone who takes their pleasure seriously. They offer quality, reliable, and extremely pleasurable adult products. Some of the industry top rated adult products can be found at:
The double ended dildo:
This is a favorite in the lesbian arena, but can also be used for double penetration by solo women, or even a women with a man. They are usually made with same diameter ends but some are made to pump one end larger than the other. These are typically made of silicone or stainless steel. This is not something I would consider a beginner adult product unless you discuss the use of one with your partner ahead of time.
The strap-on dildo:
These are also most common in the lesbian sex toy industry. It is a harness that “straps on” and holds a dildo of your choosing or has a built in dildo already. Make sure you and your partner are familiar with the dildo before strapping it on and using it. Go slow to start, for if you have not used one before you can overpower your partner into feeling pain or discomfort from the size and girth. Remember to use plenty of lube and communication throughout the process, a simple “faster” or “slower” is all that you need to bring the ultimate pleasure to both of you.
Safety First:
Just because it comes in a box that says dildo, and it looks like a sex toy does not mean you should shove it in your body! I can not emphasize this enough. Of course, dildos are an amazing way to spice up your sex life and can be the most pleasurable experience you have ever had. I am not trying to scare you, but simply want you to be aware of what you put in your body.
Just like all amazing experiences, there is risk involved if you are ignorant. First thing I would do is check the manufacturing company or retail company. What is there reputation like. If you can’t find an official looking website, chances are, they are not a regulated manufacturer or brand.
Second is look at the material it is made of. If the material is porous it can hold bacteria. Not all silicone, silicon, and silica gel is safe! Avoid purchasing sex toys off Amazon, Ebay, and AliExpress. These are a breeding ground for low quality dildos with zero regulations on material and packaging.
Like stated earlier, stainless steel dildo is the safest, then glass (low quality cheap glass can be unsafe depending on how they add the color), then your silicone based products.
Simply be aware of who makes it and who sells it is your best bet.
Remember to use lube! If you have not used a dildo before, remember you really cannot go wrong with a natural lube, the more the better. Lubes come in a variety of types. Check out Dangerouslilly for the ultimate lube safety guide. I recommend a natural lube to start, even pure coconut butter from your kitchen can be the best solution (if you know you are not allergic)!
Lastly, remember to clean the dildo once you are done. If it is glass or stainless steel, most can be thrown into the dishwasher. You can also just use warm water and anti-bacterial soap. If you do not clean them, your risk for yeast infection increases drastically. Also, many companies make a cleaner spray you can use to wipe it down with as well.
STEP-BY-STEP Picking A Dildo
First step is purchasing one. This is a big hurdle for a first-time user since most retailers offer an enormously overwhelming selection. For this exact reason Diskret keeps total inventory of all products to less than 150 pieces.
If your overwhelmed this is a natural state of mind. Start with breaking it down by size. You need to find something that is slender and not to long. I would recommend something around 1.5” or less in diameter and under 8” in length.
Next, break it down by geometry. Don’t go to wild to start, not until you know and understand your body. Go for a slight curve to help the g-spot, a bulb or two at the end, or plain straight like the tower may work. Once you have built a collection of dildos and you want to branch out into different styles and geometry, you can get just about anything you can imagine. Even fun and corky stuff like geeky sex toys.
Next, pick the material. Stay away from jelly, rubber, pvc, cyberskin,or UR3. For one they smell funny, not made of high quality, and some have phthalates. You want something non porous and easy to clean. If you get something silicone make sure the brand is very trusted, and is actually pure silicone. Some silicone is soft, some is firm, and others are squishy. If you decide on silicone just be aware of odors, discoloration or anything you see visually odd with it.
Finally pick your price range. Remember as for most things “you get what you pay for” when it comes to sex toys. At the same time if this is your first dildo, you may want to stay in the mid-range. You don’t know your body yet, and you could outgrow your dildo fast if the size is not enough for you, or if the geometry isn’t doing the trick. Once you understand what your body craves, you can start dishing out more for the higher end products.
Again go with a trusted brand or retailer and you should be fine. I advise staying away from Amazon, Ebay, and AliExpress because you never really know what you’re going to get, a lot of cheap manufacturing company’s display dildos on these sites.
How to Use A Dildo:
So now that you have the entire background and history on dildos, how the heck do I use one the right way?
- Even if you plan to use a dildo with a partner the best start is trying it on your own and becoming comfortable with it. You will know what if feels like, less self-conscious, and won’t have to worry so much about your partner and just focus on how it feels. Once you purchased your dildo, you need to find a quite and location that is private. Give yourself plenty of time! I can’t say this enough, if your rushed on the first time, it will not bring the most pleasure. Odds are even if its your millionth time being rushed is never the best scenario, the “quickie” has its place but not on your first go around.
- So now that you have your beginner dildo, a quiet, private place with plenty of time let the fun begin! You should start by turning yourself on, same as you would with out a dildo. Just keep calm and relaxed, you don’t need to use the dildo at this stage, your hand will do just fine.
- Start out slow… Now that you are turned on you can add a little lube to the dildo and start by rubbing yourself with it. Start with exterior play until you are highly turned on and everything is well lubricated. You can massage or stimulate more than just the clitoris, you can massage your nipples, anus, and labia. Think of it as teasing yourself and build up for the moment of penetration.
- Slowly penetrate with the dildo. Again, start slow and work your way to a speed that feels the most pleasurable. Test it our by moving it in different motions until you hit that perfect spot. Play with the speed and rhythm. Once you understand what speeds and motions you enjoy and at what stage of the process you want it, make sure to relay this to your partner when you use it with them. You can either communicate it openly or show them by guiding their hand or having them watch you do it.
- Now finally once you have the speed and motion down you can climax from the penetration. However, many women cannot climax from penetration alone but need external clitoral stimulation as well. If that is the case you can use the dildo in one hand and rub your clitoris with the other!
- Understand the Big-O. Again this is about understanding your own body and what it craves most. Some women like fast strokes with the dildo throughout their orgasms others like slow, some like no motion at all. Just know what you like during your orgasm and have fun with it!
- Never take things to seriously. If you don’t orgasm from the dildo the first time don’t worry about it. You can take your time and develop whatever process works best for you. If you try many times and it’s just not working, again don’t worry because there are a million adult products out there and I say never give up on trying to find the next best dildo for you!
In Conclusion:
Now that you have the ultimate guide for pleasure at your disposal, go have fun! Using a dildo by yourself to learn and understand your body will make sex with a partner much more enjoyable. Don’t be afraid to bring the dildo out with your partner and use it on them or have them use it on you. This especially comes in handy if you came first and your partner didn’t achieve their orgasm yet. Just whip out the trusty dildo and finish them off!
Remember sex toys are here to bring pleasure. So keep it light, have fun, and test out this new amazing avenue in your life. You will not regret it!
