Walking on the wild side isn’t just a song it’s a way to ignite a desire in your relationship, now your partner has asked you to take part in a Dominant-submissive role in the bedroom (lucky you). There is nothing more exciting than having your partner wanting to continue sexual exploration now while a part of you is elated, a part of you is overwhelmed by the concept. Never fear, but don’t be scared go into play with an open mind.
Okay so let’s break things down for you, most of a Dominant's role is merely vocalizing what they want the submissive to do. Dominant’s here is the situation do not ask, but instead demand. Command your submissive in a clear and explicit manner, making sure there is no misunderstands as to what you want. Remember, the submissive’s job is to please you. An excellent movie to watch for further references is “The Secretary” pay close attention to parts in the film where Mr. Grey asks for no errors to be made in his paperwork, he keeps it direct. Ladies and gentlemen also, understand that submissive partners don't have to act submissive to be one. Submissive’s can prefer having someone else make the decisions for them about how intimacy is going to be played out.
Dominant vs. Submissive:
So let’s break down each subcategory what is a Dominant/Sir/ Mistress/Top?
A dominant is a partner who takes the role of giver or controller in all acts of BDSM play performed on a submissive. Many Dominants will incorporate all aspects of being a Top but this is not universal. While a Dominant will take care of their submissive, they will be giving orders or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control. they might instruct the submissive to perform the act on them. A Dominant might be a sadist but is unlikely to be a masochist.
Now let’s explore submission, so what is submission or being submissive?
Submission is when your partner voluntary and consensually aggress to allow the Dominate complete control over their body’s and sometimes their minds. Submission is wanting to or being willing to submit to orders or wishes of another. Showing an inclination in this way. An overriding desire to be pleasing. Willingly submitting without resistance to authority. Being subservient or servile. Enjoying erotic activities in feeling powerlessness or under the control of another. As a submissive, you can always and should always say NO to any play that is making you uncomfortable during play (utilize your safe word).
Voice your Dominance:
When giving commands to your submissive, you will want to pay close attention to the tone you use (A submissive is someone who's into it for the joy of submission, not just someone who likes being dominated in bed, the primary desire is to please the D-type.) A command given in a weak tone will only result in a multitude of giggles. If you are telling your submissive to drop to their knees, it must be said with authority and conviction. Bear in mind that you do not have to shout commands. You are not a drill sergeant. Being able to whisper a command with real authority is the goal. After all, if you were asked to take part in a Dominant role, it's the dominance your partner wants. Let your inner alpha out.
Giving commands may vary depending on the form of "play" you intend to have. The more "sensual" BDSM comes with lighter tones informing your submissive they are there to please you first. This is an excellent way to practice tone with your submissive. When you are ready for rougher BDSM a heavier tone with ridged commands is more fitting. Remember, there is no need to shout, just be assertive.
Once the tone has been established making your place known is critical. To do this, you must determine what your submissive is to call you. “Master/Mistress” and "Sir/Miss” are the more common. Then it is time to choose how you will address your submissive. "Submissive" tends to be quite popular, however, more unique names are best “pet, little, pup, boy etc. Be nontraditional, and utilize words that come naturally to you and your partner. With your tone under control and your Dominant-submissive titles in place, you will both need to determine safe zones and safe words. These will be used by the submissive to let the Dominant know whether it is okay to move forward or it is time to stop. It is essential to keep the chosen words simple and easily remembered by both parties while in the thralls of passion. For example, you can utilize colors such as "blue" to say it is okay to intensify and "red" to indicate that he/she needs to back away from that play.
As a Dominant, the number one rule above all others is to stop immediately when the submissive says "NO." You are to proceed no further if this word is said. If you are practicing bondage at the time, untie the submissive at once. This could be an indication of a malfunctioning knot or circulation being cut off. For the safety of your submissive, always adhere to the word "NO" without question.
The next important thing, do not rush into inflicting "pain." Begin slowly, then increase the verbosity. For example, light smacks or spankings either via hand or tool, such as a paddle. Always maintain communication with your submissive by asking "Do you like this/that?" or "Is this/that good?" and "Do you want more?" Here is an excellent time to practice the use of safe zones and to hone your communication skills. For example, blue for more, red for less.
If you have a submissive that is a pain slut here is a list of play sessions, you can explore:
Corporal punishment can include slapping, whipping, beating, and spanking a partner with their consent. Although this may sound ghastly to some who are unfamiliar with the community, enduring corporal punishment may help the submissive experience a release and pleasure. In the BDSM community/Lifestyle, masochists who enjoy pain may derive extreme pleasure from corporal punishment. Another reason that others may enjoy corporal punishment is that many people find sexual stimulation and heightened pleasure from pain. Corporal punishment is bodily harm and pain inflicted on a partner in a BDSM relationship. Heavy consent must be ensured between the two parties to create a safe environment. When done under the right circumstances, this practice can be pleasurable for both parties. Always Practice Safe, Sane & Consensual, SSC, RACK & PRICK awareness.
The Doctor is in and ready to give you a check-up, or maybe you want to be a nurse and check on your patient. So what exactly is medical play? This is another form of role play where you can utilize clinical objects to fulfill a fantasy such as respiratory therapy, gynecological exams, urological exams, rectal temperatures, enemas, injections and so much more. The lust for this fetish are the medical exam tables, the initial medical exam, restraining the patient onto the bed rendering them helpless to doctor’s exams and or orders. I would highly recommend first-time players not to play with needles and or any devices that could harm or cause death to your partner, play with extreme caution.
How about a day of sin and redemption? Have you ever fantasized about having sex in your local church? Well here is your chance to role-play this fantasy out, bring out your priest and nun costumes and turn on the heat. During this type of play you can have your submissive confess all their sins and as punishment, you can spank, flog, cane and paddle your submissive into complete forgiveness bliss. Although it can be similar to corporal punishment the difference in this play is the religious undertones in which you and your partner chose to enjoy.
Turning up the Heat:
If you're ready to take things up a notch, then make it clear you intend to go harder to prepare your submissive. If you find you are ready for intense spanking and or punishment, tell you're submissive so; “I’m going to spank you now” for example. Give the submissive a moment to mull it over so they can indicate that they too are prepared to move further. This aids in keeping you both on the same page. All acts of play must be consensual and have been discussed before any form of play is initiated (there should be very limiting surprises.)
As mentioned before, communication is key to a successful BDSM encounter. Always remember to praise your submissive for their obedience and a job well done. A simple "well done" or "good girl" goes a long way with someone whose soul purpose is to please you.
Now let’s talk about aftercare, so after your submissive/lover has gifted you with their total trust in allowing you to have heavy impact play on their body, yes even a spank can trigger someone to go into suppressed emotions and or feelings. As the Dominant, it’s your role and responsibility to provide them with some time to recover. I highly suggest an embrace so that you both can feel close, followed by a massage. Have a first aid kit ready as to perhaps add ointment to any wounds, Neosporin, band-aids and perhaps some Tylenol to lessen the pain. Have a blanket, water or juice ready to level out the high adrenaline from the body. Lastly, give each other time to really attend to the heighten emotions play can bring.
Now about Science, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests that BDSM practitioners may have less anxiety and enjoy more security in their relationships than their vanilla counterparts. Researchers surveyed 902 BDSM practitioners and 434 non-participants and found that those who enjoyed BDSM-related activities had shared certain psychological characteristics, like being "less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious and less rejection-sensitive" than the control (or vanilla) group. In short practicing, some kinky play into your sex lives will make you a lot less stressed. Thank you to the good doctors of medicine for debunking that diving deep into our sexuality fetish side is not a deviant act and or for those that have physiological distress.
For a Dominant-submissive relationship:
You must be willing to push and explore. Do your research and choose an activity, position, or tool beyond what you think is reasonable. See how your partner responds. You may be surprised. It's these surprises that help form a connection between you and your submissive. Teaching your partner exactly how to please you and learning how to please them is one of the most rewarding aspects, one that will carry over into other areas of your relationship.